So obsessed, in fact, that we no longer call it 'The Civil War', no. We are now 'educated'. We call it as it really was. Being "educated" can be sad sometimes. I was always so happy when, in all the movies, Lee finally surrendered and the Union won! I was always so mad at people who have bumper stickers with the confederate flag.

Now I know the truth - that most of the people today who proudly stand on the side of Johnny Reb are standing there for different reasons than I was told. They aren't ALL Ku Klux Klan.

So now I have to watch Gods & Generals, Gettysburg, Glory, etc. with a sinking feeling welling in my heart as Lee makes one silly decision after another in those final days after Stonewall was gone. I scream "NOOOOOO!" when he finally signs the surrender documents.

It is sad to be on the loosing side.

And it is amazing to see that the things I learned from hundreds of books, etc. growing up (school books, Adventures in Odessy, American Girls books, kids books, really really little kids books, etc.), all give a wrong view on the causes of this war.

The more I study history, the more I am discovering the start of a corrup "American Worldview" in the 19th century. And it seemed like such an innocent time! But I guess, like my Mom always says, "You can't start out at the top of the stairs - you have to get there one step at a time." (Note: My Mom didn't say that exactly, in fact it changes a bit with every subject we discuss, but I think after 21 years of hearing it that I may finally have gotten the gist of it).

OK, enough with that. We have been pretty busy, my family and I.

An amazing 10-day vacation in Tennesee and Virginia, (that is counting the days of driving in a full 15-passanger van, by the way, though it probably shouldn't).

The conclusion to Vision Forum's Jamestown 400 Treasure Hunt that has consumed many, many hours of our lives since October.

Weddings (friends, not us, lol). Shopping with Mom. Babysitting for the first time in 2 years. Yes, Summer life has been good!

I do miss Xanga terribly. But Facebook is less demanding. And my current favorite messageboard SO much more interactive!

Change is good, but I do hate getting there.

I didn't write the below, as evidenced by the title and the key phrase "author unknown". But some words are so true, you feel as though you have written them. So here it is - an echo of my heart:

If you are further interested in something "Civil War", here is an amazing love letter written by Major Sullivan Ballou to his wife. He was killed in the Battle of Bull Run.

My very dear Sarah,

The indications are very strong that we shall move in a few days – perhaps tomorrow. Lest I should not be able to write again, I feel impelled to write a few lines that may fall under your eye when I shall be no more…

Sarah my love for you is deathless, it seems to bind me with mighty cables that nothing but Omnipotence could break; and yet my love of Country comes over me like a strong wind and bears me unresistibly on with all these chains to the battle field.

The memories of the blissful moments I have spent with you come creeping over me, and I feel most gratified to God and to you that I have enjoyed them for so long. And hard it is for me to give them up and burn to ashes the hopes of future years, when, God willing, we might still have lived and love together, and seen our sons grown up to honorable manhood, around us. I have, I know, but few and small claims upon Divine Providence, but something whispers to me – perhaps it is the wafted prayer of my little Edgar, that I shall return to my loved ones unharmed. If I do not my dear Sarah, never forget how much I love you, and when my last breath escapes me on the battle field, it will whisper your name. Forgive my many faults and the many pains I have caused you. How thoughtless and foolish I have often times been! How gladly would I wash out with my tears every little spot upon your happiness…

But, O Sarah! If the dead can come back to this earth and flit unseen around those they loved, I shall always be near you; in the gladdest days and in the darkest nights … always, always, and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath, as the cool air fans your throbbing temple, it shall be my spirit passing by. Sarah do not mourn me dead; think I am gone and wait for thee for we shall meet again…

And so ends another Xanga entry that interest only one person... ah well. If I was trying to please the public, I'd be blogging about American Idol.